i wonder if anyone ever sat me down when i was little and said “nicole, the only thing consistent about life is that it is always inconsistent.” if they did i wasn’t listening. this summer is viscious and four hours in a car is a long time to think. when i was 23 i’m sure i could have written “i’m scared about the future” 1,000 different beautiful ways but now all i can muster up is those five words. you told me about how during mardi gras when you were young you would throw all your beads at once and he would run out and pick them all up, just so you could throw them all over again. what a perfect vision of you. i’m sure when i was young i would have figured a way to break the beads into smaller pieces, throwing them out slowing and methodically, making sure i had some left over at the end. i want to be more like you, what a rare thing for me to say to anyone right? who says that and really means it? i don’t know if i’ll ever be the type of person who will be able to throw all my beads at once, i will always be a planner, a worrier, and i think a part of me will always be scared about the future, but i do know that i will run and pick up all your beads so you can throw them all over again.
