i made you work so hard. you waited and waited for us to grow closer and i let you. i didn’t know the whole time i was actually building future walls between us. there are miles between us, except little things from you are always popping up, unexpected because you thought it was funny to hide things, you’ve always been the chaos in my plan. i’ve packed all of you away in a neat little box too many times to count, but i somehow keep finding you all over me. there was always a part of me that knew you would never let me know a part of you and i never knew how to tell you that, ultimately, that’s why things always fell apart.
i remember one time i was driving through west virginia telling james about how much hope i had, because one thing you taught me was that i should never settle for less than perfect. you were perfect, if you’ve ever been perfect in your life you were to me for a season. i hope that means something to you. i think there is a part of me that is afraid to let go of you because never before have i been willing to work so hard for something. you gave me this feeling of being young and old at the same time. you felt like what i imagined love to feel like in high school. every drive, song, and city with you is catalogued neatly in my mind and always will be, even when i’m finished cleaning up the mess we made.
